As a new convert to a healthy lifestyle, I am feeling less self-conscious about my size, because I am “in the solution,” as leading nutritionist Nancy Bennett calls it. I know that as I continue my journey with proper exercise and unprocessed food, the pounds will continue to come off.
Yesterday, however, my new self-confidence was shattered.
I was at a workshop, and as I walked between the rows of tables to get a cup of tea, I knocked over someone’s water glass. She was very gracious. I went to get her some dry handouts, she found someone to change the tablecloth and all was well.
Still, I couldn’t help wondering if it was my big butt or my big purse that had caused the accident. Worse: I knew that SHE thought it was the former.
I was still smarting from the embarrassment when the worst happened, I did it AGAIN. This time, I spilled the water on one of the past presidents of the host organization. He was stone-faced about it. Again I imagined his judgment of me.
In both cases, I fell back on my go-to defense: self-deprecating humor. I mocked my own clumsiness.
Dare I hope that as I lose weight, I will be more graceful? Or will I just be a thinner klutz?
We all know that being in a bad mood can lead to binge eating. Sometimes you need to take a walk to shake it, or call a friend, or slap yourself upside the head. OR you could just go to YouTube! Here is my latest favorite video with a Cute Factor that’s off the charts. I dare you to watch this and remain grumpy.
So, today I spent waaaay too much time hunched over the computer trying to de-bug a project. All of a sudden, it was 4:30. Time to go to my water aerobics class.
I faced a dilemma. Go to class, like I should, or take a nap, like I wanted to? Or, watch funny dog videos on YouTube until it was too late to go to class, thereby avoiding the decision.
I did the right thing. I grabbed my little pink gym bag and headed for the Y. And it felt goooood.
A small victory over my habitual sloth, but nonetheless a step in the right direction.
Sometimes a girl has to have some meat. Preferably, the highly processed kind that’s mostly fat and is laden with nitrates. Or nitrites. Or whatever.
Such a day was today, and I took myself to the Omelet House, which was deserted at 10 am except for people speaking Albanian and Japanese. I hunkered down with my breakfast while reading Hugh MacLeod’s “Ignore Everyone” and scarfed down the bacon, the English muffin, a couple forkfuls of hashbrowns, and some eggs.
I’ve been paying for it ever since. After two months on a new regime of mostly veggies, my body can’t digest animal fat and simple carbs. But, oh, what a nice, salty, crunchy plate of edible sin it was.
When I talked my husband into getting a dog, a process that involved much manipulation and some outright lying, the thing that persuaded him the most was my promise to get lots of exercise walking our new fur baby.
Two years later, I’m getting lots of exercise, but not with the dog.
Corky, our French Bulldog, is what can nicely be referred to as “untrainable.” In other words, she’s stupid. She still doesn’t understand that the halter and leash mean serious power walking, not a zig-zag nose-to-the-ground sniff fest. You’d be surprised how strong a 25-pound bulldog can be. She pulls me all over the neighborhood in search of the latest messages posted by other dogs on fence posts and car tires. Here’s a message for you: hurry up and squat!
True to the spirit of my promise, I am getting a lot more exercise now that we have a dog. Here’s how I do it. I take Corky out for a quick pee, put her in her crate and then get in the car and drive to the Y.
cataloupe with cottage cheese is even better than a peach
Do you ever just wake up and feel like nothing can stop you in your quest? That was today. I was going to cook 3 squares and make each and every one of them healthy or take myself to the woodshed. With just a bit of quality time in the kitchen, I treated my body to no fewer than nine (count ‘em – 9!) different kinds of vegetables and zero kinds of bad things.
Breakfast: Fresh peach and low-fat cottage cheese
Lunch: Quinoa with sauteed mushrooms(1), red peppers(2), Green onions(3)
Dinner: Turkey sausage, baked sweet potato fries(4), broccoli(5), and salad with romaine(6), tomatoes(7), cucumbers(8) and carrots(9).
This week, it’s all about the noodle. I am learning to love aqua fitness and my fine foam friend, the aqua noodle.
I wish I had invented this guy (being demonstrated at left by a bunch of New Zealanders). Not only does it hold you up in the deep end of the pool in a much cooler way than, say, water wings, you can straddle it and ride it like a pony. Oh, yeah.
I do know who invented one kind of noodle – the instant ramen variety that sustains so many college students. It was Mokofuku Ando, the Japanese magnate who spent a year in a shed perfecting the drying process and giving birth to both instant ramen and Cup-O-Noodles. I know this because I just finished a fascinating memoir called “The Ramen King and I: How the Inventor of Instant Noodles Fixed My Love Life,” The author is funny guy and NPR commentator Andy Raskin, who (whom?) I had the pleasure of meeting when he spoke to our San Francisco writing club.
My world would be no different if Momofuku had failed to reach his goal of inventing this particular over-processed, high-sodium dehydrated food, but I can’t imagine life without my aqua noodle. Thanks, nameless person who thought of this. Hi ho Silver, away!
